March 7th, 2007

Wednesday 7th March 2007.

Quite why i ran away and hid in the blue funk of winter still quite troubles the thoughts in my mind.Especially when i have been searching for a dominant to serve since the roll of being a slave began to feature heavily in my masturbating fantasies.I think the trouble with such fantasies in the past was i could quite easily roll dreams up put them on a flying carpet and send them to some oasis to whither away with out too much thought of ever recalling again. Whilst i delved into some other image to satisfy the lust living in the feelings surrounding my cock and the desire to bed fuck for as long as i wanted in the warm haze bordering on orgasm.
Bed fucking for me is my opiate which sometimes takes such a strong hold i remember once being in the Majestic Hotel Singapore in all that beauty on that tiny island and never stepping from the bed until evening and then only because food and beer called so many times i brought myself close the orgasm point that my sack of balls felt so heavy they could have easily been dobbers.
I wonder why i masturbate so often especially when i read this morning about one scribbler who did not think much about it or even bothered so much.My mind is always looking for strange objects on which to inflict the final gush but that is another story..;

I am really here to write something for my mistress who has commanded me to write in this journal at least three times a week because it pleases her so and not to feel vanity because no one else passes this way,i am to concentrate on pleasing my mistress for now that is the purpose of my life.I am glad that the blue funk did not last forever and the magic carpet was not sent to whither in the oasis,i am extremely thankful that my mistress has given me one more chance to live the life as her slave and i do think i have matured slightly along this road by thinking that my mistress has wants also.The primary one is to obey her instructions and to remain in chasity surrounding the word sex until mistress desires so.
I am today half way through my allotted days in chasity this time around i have not shrunk back or cheated and have accepted her demand in punishment for running off into the blue funk and leaving her feelings hanging on a hook a sort of cast off coat.After i had begged her to open the dark desires within her and take on the roll of owning a slave.

I have to say that i am pleased that so far i have done well,my mistress has tested me with glimpses of what rewards i could receive,to see if i am worth keeping on a leash or casting out into the blue funk has not been easy..not easy at all especially this morning when i felt my cock rise and begin to dribble the warm fuzzy feelings slowly climb through my body..she offered me her breasts to suck but only after i had convinced her with words that i was worthy of such wonderful things to drink from..what else could i say apart from i luv you.but it is not enough i luv you comes cheep into days world it is now so media driven i could be asking for a cup of tea or giving flowers on mothers day..i could say that they are my breasts but they are not and i share them with another pair of lips and thoughts so i will have to think of something else while i now move on up into the day doing various tasks i have laid out for myself which is another reason why i luv this big breasted women so much.

I think i am lucky to serve this mistress she has such a dark mind and it is such a thrill to see it seep out into my thoughts grow mushroom and dance a spiders dance.I just have to keep up giving her needs to brave this haphazard world it was so nice of her to greet me this morning with a firm luv coated in directions that i know i must obey..all stick and no return..i remember that so well at school,home during the dark clouds racing across the sky during the growing period of my life.