March 11th, 2007

Sunday 11th March 2007.

I am about to embark on a journey,from this date i am going to put my feelings on why and how i want to take this journey for the gift which lies at the end.It is going to be long and hard i have to be brutal and honest in the same catchment i am content that i am in something that gives me erotic calm feelings.I feel as if i am climbing up through the entrance of a simple bus.A journey unknown for the longest i have gone from masturbating of any sort since boarding school days is three weeks and look what happened after i made it, a blue funk,a heavy cloud settled over my darkest dreams,will it recur. My mistress is not so sure,that it will not..!! can i make it that long she has mentioned fears that a blue funk will slip beneath the autumn waves,she begins to know me better than i do,i hope this devotion pays for the bitterness she once felt and gives her room to enjoy the dance she is for once leading in her every whim, blown in by the wind of change as her mind begins to step outside the box. To sit in the bus as the driver is a great challenge also, from the conforms in building bricks around her..i cannot be sure my self, but i do know that i am willing to,make such a sacrifice already i have lasted almost eleven days with out stroking my cock for pleasure or attempting to bed fuck which is my greatest opiate without any sign of a blue funk..i would rather give up chocolate,give up, wine rather than give up masturbation.
Masturbation is the only joy left to oneself,it is the joy of self luv which carries me through the mad rush of indoctrination which is the political wind now blowing.

So as i board put my hand on the stainless steel guide the smoothness which sends tingles through my body, how can that be, already i am aroused by a simple lust of machinery.Who will be on this bus this journey around the next corner will it be full of cocks will the hammer house of horror ring in the dark tossed nights when silence, my hands fight off the desire to reach down and brake my vow, will sperm ouse from the ceiling or perhaps at the terminus the wish of a plump cunt be there for me to treasure, will spiders pour from beneath the seats rush up my trouser leg jingling the bell and howling in the wind, the darkest of dreams chocolate starfish cascade,will the bell ring,the order given to eat supper and how will the command be felt when such an order is given.

I have been on many bus journeys,it is one of the most comforting feelings to be driven by someone,to sit and stare out of the window of the world and to masturbate in deft silence is one of the greatest joys,the door closes around me i take my seat the view out of the window is a cloudless sunny sky for now..the journey has begun.